Magic 101: Spirit Relationships
Reminder: you cannot teach yourself magic. It requires a teacher to make introductions, to help you discern what spirits you are communicating with, and to bail you out as you learn who and what you can trust.
One of the most telling misunderstandings people have about spirits is how they approach the idea of a relationship with a spirit—the easy parallel is how difficult people seem to find it to build romantic relationships that last. The spirit may or may not have a romantic relationship with a magician, but there is a common trend between the two, how difficult people seem to find it to perceive the other person as an independent entity.
When many people start dating, they make a conspicuous effort to appear their best. They give gifts, they make special commitments of time, etc. People do the same with spirits. They bring gifts, which is appropriate, make deals involving physical objects (rum, cigars, etc), make time commitments. And, unfortunately, they often feel as if they secure a relationship after that period, and the relationship needs nothing more from them than the occasional gift or date.
They are then often surprised to find out that there is no ‘secured’ in a relationship, that gifts are merely the opening move in a lifetime of work, and that the person they’ve romanced has their own ideas about what should happen and where the relationship is going. The same is true of spirits. A relationship with a spirit is a living, breathing thing, which requires just as much maintenance as a romantic relationship, though it may not be romantic. The spirits also have their own ideas about the relationship, where it’s going, and what a good relationship should look like.
In vodou, we do not precisely ‘woo’ a spirit. The spirits have their own ideas about who should be talking to them and what conditions that conversation should have. The initial approach is almost universally the spirits’ prerogative, and it is up to the magician to follow up, if they want to continue or deepen the relationship. The spirit will sometimes be very persistent about the relationship they want to have, but the magician has to act and complete their part of the relationship. We do give gifts and make commitments, but it’s not without invitation to start.
Unfortunately, this is where people most often misunderstand the spirit when they are starting out as a magician: the idea that a spirit would have its own ideas about the relationship, what kind of relationship, what that relationship means, and how the relationship is going. You cannot offend a spirit exactly, but you can certainly persuade one to stop talking to you by being persistently inconsiderate, via neglect, and via mistreatment.
A teacher can act like a relationship coach for you and the spirit, helping you understand the spirit and relationship until you can do so for yourself, if it is in your capacity.
